No one understands. Not really. I want to talk, but I cant. It would destroy you. So I bury it deep inside and it destroys me.
I cant tell someone that I am breaking. Ive tried to hold it so together, but I cant.
I cant tell someone that Im barely sleeping because there’s so much on my mind. And when I do sleep, I have nightmares.
I cant tell someone how much i want to cut. How just thinking about pulling that blade across my skins gives me goosebumps, because I know how good it feels. How everything eases, just for a little while.
I cant tell someone that I am so disguisted by the way I look, im not eating.
I cant tell someone because im not close enough to anyone anymore. I pushed you all away because I didnt want my shit to destroy your lives.
So now, I have no one to turn too. And thats my fault.